So I was all set to tell you all about our trip to Cape Cod (and to the City), but I think you all can imagine how much fun it was. Everyday was a new adventure. The Mister really showed me a good time. We did things that he wouldn’t ‘normally’ do, like go for walks on the beach. And pick up seashells. Or get coffee and croissants. We ate some very yummy food. And saw some very beautiful sites. And just had a good time. Just the two of us. But the trip was also a trip of letting go. And finding myself. Or at least starting that journey. You see, I’ve been so focused on one negative aspect of my life that I’ve let it consume me. Well, honestly I’ve been so focused on the negative for so long that I’ve lost myself. But I’ve been slowly letting that stuff go this past year. But one very negative aspect has reared it’s ugly head and really shown itself this past summer and I just let it be all consuming. Until we left for the Cape that is. But I also saw some really great things the past couple of weeks that has me letting go of the negative situation and just trying to focus on the positive things in my life. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been able to reconnect with several people in my life and that feels good. It reminds me that just because I have one person in my life who is negative, and by negative-I mean negative. I debate on whether I should go into details or not, but let’s just say this person has crossed some MAJOR boundaries with me. But then I reconnect with other people and that feels good. It feels so healthy. It feels natural. And I wonder why I let one situation tear me down so much.
You see, these past few weeks I’ve reconnected with a dear friend that I haven’t seen or spoken to in so long. She has been going through her own thing and I didn’t know. It was nice to see her, to catch up, to hug her and tell her I love her. Then I had lunch with an old work colleague. One I haven’t spoken to in so long. It was nice to hear her say that I was doing okay and looked good. That I didn’t make those mistakes I thought I had made. To hear her say how wonderful she thinks I am. It sounds so silly, but after dealing with someone on a regular basis who just wants to tear you down, to have someone tell you that you are great…that feels good. She also set me on the straight and narrow about finding myself again. And then I got the call that told me I has the job I was hoping to get! As a real Librarian! It feels good to use my degree. To be able to go to work, do a good job, and then leave, come home, and do what I need to do at home. Getting this job has given me the extra boost I needed. When I was fired from my last job, I took it very, very personally. It was a very dark time for me. I believed everything they were saying about me. I couldn’t fight. I didn’t have it in me. I was embarrassed, scared, and ashamed. It took me a really long time to get over those feelings. Seeing the work colleague who told me that I actually didn’t do the things that I was accused of, at least from her standpoint, finally helped me let it go. And then getting the job? That was exactly the boost I needed. And then we left for the Cape. And I made decisions there that would set me on the path I needed to be on. I decided to let go of things. To focus on the positive. To not let someone tear me down anymore. That person is going to be who they are. There’s no changing that. They let their jealously, insecurities, and their inability to recognize boundaries make them behave in a very unbecoming way. That’s on them. Not on me. But I’ve been letting it be my problem. Until now. Now it’s my time to move on, to focus on me, to focus on the positive. To figure myself out. For crying out loud, I’m 43. I don’t need to keep tearing myself down anymore and I certainly don’t need anyone else trying to do it too. So this is the last you will hear of this. From now on, no more talk of letting one person be a negative influence on me. From now on you will hear about how we went to the City, had dinner with wonderful friends, how we went to Murray’s Cheese Shop and had a cider and cheese pairing class, and now I am so motivated to start making cheese again. About how I sold all three of my hats from my shop to my dear friends and when I told them I didn’t want them to pay for them, they said they wanted to support my business! I mean, how wonderful is that? Someone wants to support me? And not only that, they come bearing gifts as well?!!? How could I forget that I have all these wonderful people in my life? Oh, and I was commissioned to make a hat for a good friend so he could give it as a gift to his lovely girlfriend. I also haven’t mentioned other’s who have done so much for us. Who have been so generous and who are such positive forces too. Wait a minute. Why have I been whining and complaining about this one negative thing, when all these positive forces has been hitting me over the head?
So I just keep telling myself that I’ve just started my journey. I have a long way to go and I have a lot to learn. I want to take it slow. Make sure I do it right. Learn all the details that I need to learn in order to make positive, healthy changes. Become an expert at the topics that I want to be an expert at. Like making cheese, and soap, and knitting. I want to rediscover that parts of me that I have forgotten. Like that I like jazz and being healthy and being a librarian and being a good friend. And let go of some of the more negative aspects-like focusing on the negative and allowing the negative to affect me so much. So my pledge is to move forward with this new found attitude and do the best I can. I’m taking it one day at a time. And I’m feeling good doing it!