So I mentioned in my last post that I was starting a journey (finally) of finding myself. I mentioned that I was letting go of some very negative things in my life and starting to rediscover the things that I like and that are positive. And I made a promise to myself that if I let the chickens go and I got a job (whether PT or FT) I would start making steps to fulfilling my goals and dreams. I haven’t really been doing that. At least not giving it my all. So here I am to set the details of what I need to be doing. What I want to be doing.

First, I want to learn to do things. Be an expert in things such as soap making, knitting, and homesteading (canning, cheese making, cooking from scratch, chicken keeping, etc.). I feel like I know a lot when it comes to chickens but I would like to read my chicken keeping books again. And there were some questions that I didn’t know the answers to when I had chickens. So I’ll research those things. But as far as chickens go, I’m pretty confident in my skills. Next is canning. I’ve been canning a lot but I wouldn’t call my self an expert. Same with soap making and cheese making. I really want to explore all these topics in more detail. And ready myself for my permanent homestead. Even if I don’t get the opportunity to share these skills with others, at least I will know the ins and outs of these necessary skills. As far as knitting goes, I learn so much each time I do it. And my little knitting business is doing okay right now. I sold my three hats and am putting that money back into my supplies. One thing I want to do is be as self sufficient as possible. This is necessary for me to move forward. I’ll talk more about that below, but for now, I need to not rely on someone else. So I used my hat money and bought a swift (pictured above) and I’ll put some money into some other supplies that I think are necessary. Like pom pom makers. I am not very good at making them and find that using the makers helps me make a better pom. Once I feel comfortable with making them, I can then start offering them on the hats I’m selling. And then I’ll restock my yarn stash. But I need to design the next few hats in order to be cost effective.

Next, I want to be healthy. At one time, and I know I’ve mentioned this here before, I was very healthy. I was active. I ate really good, yummy, healthy food. I want that back. I let it go for so long that it seems I have to relearn everything that I used to know. But I’m willing to put in that effort so I can be the healthiest I can be. As recently as May I was really starting to work towards losing weight but then I let the negative start affecting me (as I’ve mentioned). So to get started back down the healthy path, I’ve cut out white refined sugar (unless I’m canning and the recipe calls for it). I’ve stopped drinking wine (and if you know me, you know how much I love wine!). I’ve started walking again. My goal is 3-5 times per week. I also have three pairs of pants that I am trying to fit back into. My goal is to fit into the first pair next Friday (I’m there but could use just a little bit more room before wearing them to work). The second pair I want to fit into in 2 weeks (again, I’m almost there). And the third pair, I’m giving myself until Thanksgiving. I’m also taking Anna Lee with me on my walks. She’s chunked up a little too so it won’t hurt her to lose a couple of pounds. Plus it helps get some of her energy out.

I also think it’s time to focus on the financial aspects of life. I can’t get what I want by spending all my money. So I’ve set the goal of $500 cash each month for spending. This includes gas, food, and supplies. I might need to adjust that depending on how much gas I use now that I am driving 40 miles one way to work. Speaking of work. I know 40 miles might seem like a lot but it’s mostly highway miles. And I wouldn’t have taken a job so far away except the pay is fantastic! Plus I really do enjoy the job. So it’s a really good thing. And it will help get me to achieve my financial goals. I can’t wait to get started!

And I really need to be as self sufficient as possible. This doesn’t mean have the Mister do things for me. It means doing it myself. I know this might seem counterintuitive to what society says (ask for help). But I really need to figure out how to do things for myself. Or at least have the skills and resources to do them myself. And be confident in my abilities. You see, I tend to ‘play incompetent’ when someone seems to be judging me. I found myself doing this over and over again with the negative nelly in my life (that I mentioned in my previous post). This person is so judgmental and so critical that it’s just easier to play dumb than stand up and say “I’ve got this”. But part of my journey is knowing, and saying, I’ve got this. This is going to be hard for me. I tend to defer to someone else, even when I know what I’m doing.

Being more positive, and looking at things positively, is so important, now more than ever. There’s so much negative out there in the world, both locally and globally. I’ve had enough negative in my life. I’m done with it. I know there will be negative things, people, and situations, but I want to be able to handle them and keep a positive attitude and focus throughout them. It’s funny how people will try to take your positive from you. After my last post I had someone from my last job reach out to me. I think she was trying to apologize to me, but it certainly seemed like she was insulting me. As I also mentioned in my last post, I have moved on. So for this person to reach out to me now and to let me know that she ‘forgives’ me for everything, or at least I think that’s what she was doing, is just insulting. Girl, I’ve moved on. I don’t need forgiveness for doing my job. You need to move on too. Let me be. I’m good. I am at peace with how things went down. Let’s all just agree that it’s time to move on. If you want/need to hold onto things, that’s on you. It’s funny how this happens. You finally move on, become a better version of you, let things go, and people just can’t let you do that. They need to hold onto things and want to make sure you do the same. That’s just not happening.

I think these are the major things that I need to focus on. I’m not in any hurry. We’ve got time. I’ll just focus each day doing the best I can. I hope you all will join me on my journey.

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