Survival Mode

oh boy, survival mode is not for the faint of heart! I feel like I have been in survival mode for the longest time. It's hard. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You keep hoping you are making the right decisions. You try to listen to what the universe is telling you. Sometimes you resist. Sometimes it takes you a very long time to figure out what the universe is showing you is the right path. It's taken me most of my adult life to recognize what the universe has been trying to show me. I've always had it in the back of my mind what I've wanted. The big dreams haven't changed much. But I just kept thinking that I was on the right path and that dreams had to be put aside in order to keep the relationships that you chose to have. But then one day the universe literally slams you to a complete stop and then you open your eyes and you recognize that you were always on the wrong path. You held on too tight.

what dreams are made of

Then you let go of those dreams that weren't really your dreams. And you go to therapy. And you continue putting one foot in front of the other. And you stop resisting. Or you try to stop resisting. You stop resisting so much. You start slowing down. You stop making knee jerk reactions. Or at least the knee jerk reactions are fewer and fewer in between. You still make them, but you get better at stopping yourself. Then you start listing your dreams. What do you want? Where do you see yourself going? How do you get there? What dreams have you always had that you want to fulfill? What dreams have you always had that you can let go of? That no longer serves you?

And then. Then one day you start walking down that path that you were always meant to be on. It just so happens that it happens where you stop being in survival mode. When you choose the right path. And learn lessons from all the hard things that you've been through. That you've overcome. That you've walked away from. You continue in therapy, because you need it right now. And you stop holding on too tight to things that no longer serves you. And sometimes those things you let go of are people. Sometimes it's places. Sometimes it's dreams. And sometimes it's part of your business that isn't growing with you nor serving you. Sometimes you have to reevaluate everything and everyone and take those things and people with you that will help you level up to the place you are meant to be.

Then what?

And that's where I am at friends. I am finally, finally in a place that makes me happy. That helps me level up. That is allowing me the freedom to be me. No more survival mode. No more abusive behaviors from people in my life. I am now surrounded by people who love me. Who want to see me succeed, not compete with me. I'm actually in a place where I can reach out to the people that I left behind that didn't deserve to be left behind. I had to get away and work on myself and that meant leaving some people behind. It's part of survival mode. I'm not proud of it but I hope they will forgive me one day. It's kind of like a 12 step program in a way. And I'm ready to admit my mistakes and my faults and pick up and get back on track.

So where does that leave us now? It leaves us moving forward in a way that is authentic to who I am and who I want to be. Less social media. More living on the website. I know this might go against the grain, but I'm okay with that. I like my little space here. I want to reach more people with my classes. So I will start thinking about online offerings, while continuing to teach in person classes as well. I want to be more creative. God. I have missed being creative! I have missed getting my hands dirty. And if you know me, you will know that is a huge part of who I am. Being creative. Getting my hands dirty. And then sharing that with y'all. I finally live in a space that is conducive to that.

Finally

I want to continue to grow as a person. Getting to know myself is very important. I made up a whole new list of goals and action steps in order to accomplish those goals. I'll share that with y'all soon. I think it will help hold me accountable. I like giving you updates too. More so here in this space than on social media. I get to say as much, or as little, as I need. And share as many pictures as I want! Speaking of which, I have months of photos to share with you. So get ready! LOL.

With that, I think we'll stop here for today. How have you been? Is anyone still here? I sure hope so! We're just getting started. I keep saying that, but I really believe it this time. I'll tell you more about why I believe that next time.

PS These photos are from a trip I made the Fiber Faire at Great Smoky Mountain Heritage Center a couple of months ago. I have 2 canning classes coming up there as well. Click here for more information.

'til next time
-k
xoxo